Meowser is in some ways the inspiration for this post. I hope it's not too embarrassing for her. Also, this Feministing (sanity watchers warning)
post, which I found from
Fat Lot of Good, is prompting me to blog. And I'm also inspired by Shannon of
Nudemuse -- whose unabashed declarations of what she finds beautiful give me courage.
So, a while back, when Meowser
posted about hair issues on Shapely Prose. I remember seeing her photo and thinking, I like looking at her face. Not in a stalker-y, or sexually charged, way, just in that hers was to me a pleasing face to look at. (I'm not saying that her face is in any way more or less pleasant to look at than her body, only that the photo that was posted on Shapely Prose was just a headshot).
And, while we were having coffee in person, I had a similar thought -- I like looking at her face.
I often have this feeling towards those people I like or love. Family members (especially, of course, my little human), Mr. Rounded, friends, co-workers, acquaintances. Do I care whether or not the people who I find pleasing to look at are "objectively" beautiful? Is it appropriate or necessary for me to let people know I find them pleasing to look at -- in fact, why should they care? I do tell my little human often how pleasing it is to see that face -- whether it's pursed in a pout or beaming a sunshiny smile my way. I would be happy to let others know how beautiful I felt they were if I felt it wasn't crossing a line, or somehow making my opinion seem more weighted than anyone else's, or perhaps more importantly, their own.
Is this all way too simplistic? I wonder what value there truly is in the mass appeal of marketed beauty. It matters to me that Mr. Rounded wants to see my face. That when I get up in front of a group of people, whether it's to do stand-up comedy or deliver a presentation, that I'm going to get my foot in the door, appearance-wise. I don't need for everyone to think I'm beautiful, even if that could happen. Respect, and a shot at more than that, is all I want. I strive to approach everyone I meet in person with that same openness. (Here on the interwebs, if any disrespect is shown to me or anyone else, that openness goes out the window.)
Lately, I've been feeling more and more beautiful.
Does anyone else need to agree? Not really.
Mostly, I just need to be able to feel the freedom to feel that way about myself, and a sufficiently strong (yet permeable) barrier between me and the outside world in place.
Comments (5)
Oh hell no, I'm not embarrassed. I love it. Thanks. In fact, I kind of needed that, because I get hung up on thinking that my face is NOT pleasant for people to look at, and I needed the reminder that not everyone is going to respond to the same face in the same way.
And dammit, you SHOULD feel beautiful. You are. "Marketed beauty" is wholly of its moment; sometime look at some TV shows or magazines from the 1960s, to pick a random example, to see what people thought of as "pretty" 40 years ago. Cybill Shepherd, 5 feet 9 and 130 pounds, was considered one of the world's great beauties; now they'd tell her she had to lose weight in order to be in Glamour or in a movie. Back then they had airbrushing and Vaseline on the lenses; now they can Photoshop whatever they want to in seconds.
Which makes me wonder: If you can "make someone over" electronically before anyone sees the image anyway, why do you even need someone "good looking" in the first place? "Marketed beauty" tells you less than nothing about even what someone looks like in real life, let alone what kind of person they are.
I think it's perfectly okay to feel beautiful, and I think it's fine to appreciate the beauty of another person without being attracted to them. I do it on a daily basis with my friends, though they're all a bit uptight, so I don't like to talk to them about it. xD
Also, I think there's nothing appealing about mass-marketed beauty. I'm a much bigger fan of finding beauty in people who might not be considered 'mass market' beautiful, as you seem to be as well. For me, it's strange, but my finding someone pleasant to look at often depends on my attraction to their personality. When I like the personality of a person, their face becomes more visibly pleasing, whether it's just in a friendly, admiring way, or in a 'I'm attracted to their personality, and, by default, sometimes, their physical appearance'. And now I'm getting away from the point of the post.
Point: I think everyone should believe that they are beautiful (hopefully not to the point of obsessive vanity, but whatever floats your boat, I suppose), and that the only opinions of their beauty that should matter, or mean something to them, are those of their close, intimate relationships, whether they be friendships, or partnerships, or family relationships.
also: I finally caved and signed up for xanga so I could comment on your blog. I've been a reader for awhile, but wasn't really motivated to create an account to comment. So, you'll be stuck seeing me more often. ;)
@integgy13 - Hi integgy -- thanks for your thoughts. Your thoughts are very welcome.
The downside to having a Xanga blog is the hurdle to commenting, but the upside is that when someone created an account solely for the purposes of trolling, it was easy to take prompt action.
I don't have much time to mess around with formatting, and I need to get a commenting policy in place that would hopefully explain all of this, but it makes for some relatively easy management.
That aside, I both agree with and wonder about this part of what you wrote:
"the only opinions of their beauty that
should matter, or mean something to them, are those of their close,
intimate relationships, whether they be friendships, or partnerships,
or family relationships."
For those people who don't get a positive appraisal of their beauty from family relationships, for example, I think it makes sense to look elsewhere. And from the perspective of age and development, it's entirely normal for kids to go through periods in their teens where the only opinions that matter are those outside of family relationships. I suppose that's a set of values that can be conveyed, and also parents can to some degree set limits about what kids are exposed to. Having the kind of relationship with one's parent(s) that allows for room to talk about these things can of course help.
http://indoblogger.com/toywatchesale/
http://indoblogger.com/ureplicawatches1987/
http://indoblogger.com/watchagaina/
http://instantblogsubscribers.com/?w=toywatchwatch
http://jewellery4u.livejournal.com/
http://jewellery4urlove.viviti.com/
http://jewellery4urlove.wordpress.com/
http://jewellerybests.blog.com/
http://jewellerybests.bravejournal.com/