One thing I love about blogging and reading other blogs is that there are things I think about that I wouldn't otherwise. Some of these are thoughts about religion. My religion in particular, but others' writing about their religions are thought provoking, too.
I don't have many people in my life at the moment to talk with about my religious beliefs, as the friends I communicate with most often these days are not religious, or not observant. It's a relief to find other religious progressives, to read what A Sarah (who comments regularly at Shapely Prose) posts, or
Rev Mom.
What Rev Mom wrote at her blog
Ad Imaginem Dei about in response to hearing a stranger at the library say the tired "not Adam and Steve" line -- and her belief in a triune god, really gave me pause. The
triune god part.
Part of what's sparking this cascade of thoughts is a CD I recently purchased of songs that I had sung as a kid and a young adult -- sayings taken from the Tanach (Torah, Prophets and Writings) and prayers written in the Diaspora. There's song that, roughly translated, says "I believe with perfect faith in the coming of the messiah." I would have to say that it's not true -- I don't believe in that concept with perfect, complete, whole faith. But the idea of this song, or prayer, is that the messiah hasn't come yet, and will come. At odds, of course, with religions that believe the messiah has already come (and will come again), or those that don't share that belief.
The Reform Jewish movement that I was raised in provided me with a way to run around this belief, it promoted the idea of a "messianic age" but one ushered in with peace -- while it glossed over
how this age would come to be. Sometimes I feel growing up in the reform movement (and not having done enough study on my own) has left me with an immature spirituality or sense of my own religion. But at age 40, I really have no one but myself to blame for not being more knowledgable about my own religion/culture/civilization as well as other religions.
There are moments where I think of Judaism as a religion stuck in too narrow a definition of monotheism. Other times, I'm reminded that my tradition includes an expansive, inclusive definition of god -- that I find myself drawn to learning more about. And I believe in the concept of Judaism as a civilization, one that continues to both influence the rest of the world and be influenced by it. But my desire is not to study these things on my own, but to explore them in a community of compassionate and curious fellow seekers.
In my limited understanding of my own tradition, and taking a cue from Reform Judaism, I've cherry picked certain concepts that do help me in being more "FAT UP."
One that's easy for me to remember (as it's imbedded in my brain in the form of a song,
Al Shlosha D'varim) is this:
"On three things the world stands, on the Torah, worship, and acts of loving kindness."
From Genesis 1:26,
"Let us make humanity in our image, after our likeness."
When it comes to "you shall love your neighbor as yourself" -- well, I guess for me, it's sometimes easier to love my neighbor
than myself, which says something about me. I find it generally easier to forgive, accept, tolerate, understand and be patient with others than myself.
I have more thoughts along these lines, but I have to get dinner for my princess, rescuer.
Any thoughts about how you use your spirituality or religious beliefs to guide your journey to self acceptance?
Comments (18)
My therapist is fond of saying to me, "God doesn't make junk." That's probably something I need to hear, because I've often gotten stuck on the idee fixe that God doesn't like me very much -- i.e. that She did, in fact, make "junk" when it was time to make me. Yeah, I know. Better I should be an atheist than believe that.
What I find interesting, and kind of cool, about Renewal/Reconstructionist Judaism is that it really dispenses with the Old Testament Angry God Flinging Lightning Bolts If You're Bad thing. R/R is a lot more like Buddhism, in that it says God is something that's there for guidance if you call on Him/Her/It, but does not orchestrate events. Chris says he thinks of prayer as "a way of focusing energy," much like meditation, and I've gotten back into that lately after feeling guilty about it. Yes, guilty! A lot of progressive atheists (although not the ones I respect) snot off on anyone who prays as an eternal child who believes in a "sky fairy," and I was shamed out of it for a long time for that reason. Now my attitude is more like, "If you don't need it, fine. But I do. If that makes me an eternal child, so be it."
I'm especially interested in the spirituality/creativity connection. So many creative people say they "channel" their work or "take dictation" or "transcribe" it, rather than thinking they have to force it out of their constipated egos day after day. I used to think, "Well, lucky them, they're the ones God likes. Not me." That is one screwy god concept, one I'm very much ready to change. I keep getting this voice saying, "Well, can't you just pretend for a while that you believe God thinks you're just as good as anyone else, and see what comes through the channel? What do you have to lose?" Wonder where that comes from...
Oooo... neat post. I love religious conversation.
I was raised in a deeply religious family and on the one hand, I like the traditions. They keep one connected to the community, to my family's history and to whatever god there might be out there. At the same time, I don't have that whole-hearted faith that some people say they have... nor do I even want to have it. Culturally, I'm a Christian and I'm good enough with that. Otherwise, I don't like to categorize myself so much.
I believe that god is so big as to be incomprehensible. Because of this, I believe that my thoughts about him/her/it and spirituality should be allowed to evolve as I grow and my connection with my spirituality deepens. I take what religious traditions speak to me from various faiths and employ them as it feels right to me.
So... from this POV, my spirituality influences my recovery in that I allow it to evolve. The first recovery attempt I made was through a very self-hating OA group... and that is no where near what I use today. At the same time, I can see how some folks may benefit from that kinda thing... or perhaps that going through that self-hating phase is part of the process for some folks. Sometimes we have to burn our hands a few times before we learn not to touch the fire. Such is life.
I suppose I am most influenced by Buddhism and some more Buddhist-like forms of Hinduism. I was raised Methodist and with a strong awareness of Catholocism. My mother was raised very Catholic and almost all my family was Catholic as well. My step-father, however, made sure I was raised Methodist for the most post. The nice bit about Buddhism (and things like it) to me is that they can work WITH Christianity. The eastern religions (if you can call them that... they're more like philosophies, I think) that I lean towards don't promote any god(s) and helped me turn my Christianity into a more loving spirituality.
I was raised with the self-hating kind of Protestantism (and Catholicism to the extent it was there). "The flesh is weak." "The emotions are fickle." "Spare the rod - spoil the child." Gluttony is a "deadly sin". All that fun stuff...
However, the eastern perspective allowed me to see things in a far more gentle way... and to focus more on the loving passages of scripture as opposed to the harsh ones. The bible, to me, is very contradictory and confusing. My parents taught me to go along with the self-hating and "the flesh is naturally evil" bit just to be on the safe-side. But, I found that I was able to behave as a far more loving and ethical person, if I actually trusted and loved myself. This influenced my recovery efforts to move from strict, non-self-trusting structure to an intuitive focus. I found recovery to go a heck of a lot more smoothly for me once I was able to see things from a more loving/trusting POV. So, for me... my spiritual evolution has had a huge effect on my recovery. I don't know if I could've healed as much as I have without my spiritual growth.
Soooo... maybe I'm not the religious type you were looking to hear from. Some people find me very religious... some people find me only spiritual. Sometimes I pray litanies... not because I believe them, but because they help me feel connected with god. Sometimes I pray old fashioned Protestant. Sometimes I go Buddhist. Sometimes I make it up as I go along. I will take communion given the opportunity, but I don't see it as a "do or go to hell" thing. I participate as the spirit inside myself moves me... and I really, really love doing it this way. This way seems to have brought me the connection I have always longed for with god... plus I still am comfortable in my cultural identity and move easily in Buddhist, Liberal Hindu or Christian circles.
I used to know a Greek, who told me that Jesus never said "I am the way and the light." In the original ancient Greek, I was told that Jesus said "YOU ARE THE LIGHT." Ultimately, I think hearing that (and reading lots of things about biblical translations and political/intentional mistranslations through-out history) really started the ball rolling for me in finding my own spiritual spark and trusting it. This same religious work influenced me to trust my body, my hunger and my perceptions... there is nothing it hasn't touched, really.
When people ask me what religion I am... I tell them I was raised Christian, but at this point, I'm all of them... none of them. Whatever. To me all loving religions hold some important truth and I'll take whatever suits me. In my heart... my answer to what religion I am is - I am all of them... they are all the same to me... just different mythology, tradition and culture... but ultimately trying to touch the same god(s).
@Meowser1 - I'm all about worshiping a god that made you. And me, for that matter. But it's understandable on many levels why you might feel like what you were given to work with is harder than what other people were given to work with. That said, when I have those thoughts, reminding myself that I'm made in god's image makes me think of god as also struggling with certain things. I wasn't only made in the "good" parts of god's image, but also the parts that are not thought of as being good, or being more challenging. The feminine aspect of the divine, the Shechina, I don't picture as being slender, for example.
And when it comes to creativity, some people are able to channel it, and others feel possessed by it and run like heck in the opposite direction. Those receiving the most "dictation" also seem to have the greatest need to feel balanced and whole. So there are many sides and facets to it. You are an amazing writer, wherever that comes from.
I love what you said about "needing god." I am so with you there. Sometimes I do feel like I'm being judged for holding onto god -- but the parts of me that need god just do. Rejecting that would be more harmful than helpful. I'm definitely one to believe that we create god as much as god creates us, and I think that's not a bad thing, most of the time -- and it helps to be aware of that. I would rather worry about being somehow immature than bereft.
We will have to go to services together sometime!
@AngryGrayRainbows - What an amazing answer to the question -- it's a post in itself. I'm so glad you shared your religious past and present.
I am so curious about the religious pasts and presents of my friends, but religion isn't always a polite topic. So many of my friends either grew up without much in the way of religion and spirituality, or they have rejected what they grew up with. But I really do want to know where they are with their faith or beliefs or ideas. So, thank you so much for sharing yours.
I am completely with you about Buddhism as a philosophy that is compatible with other belief systems -- I strive to learn more about Buddhism, and each contact I have with the philosophy (and I'm probably getting the "lite" version) draws me in more. I want very much to place compassion, and an understanding that pain is something that all beings experience as part of live, at the center of my thoughts. Judaism has these lessons and teachings in a big way, but it's like you said, there can also be the focus on rules and self-denial.
I love holidays, so it's nice to be Jewish to have all of these holidays to celebrate, in addition to the secular ones we have here in the U.S. I really love the rhythm of the year through the holidays, and that's almost entirely cultural, but there is a spiritual aspect to it.
What you said about OA makes me think about attending some meetings -- I have a friend who has been attending them regularly and has made huge strides in how she feels about herself and her centeredness and calm in the world. She had a break from it and is back and it seems that as much as she has changed, she also found the right community and learned how to take what she needed from it.
But it's understandable on many levels why you might feel like what you were given to work with is harder than what other people were given to work with. That said, when I have those thoughts, reminding myself that I'm made in god's image makes me think of god as also struggling with certain things.
Interesting. One other thing that helps me when I remember it is that part of the Course in Miracles that says things like beauty, success, mental health, physical ability, etc., are just ideas, and they're human ideas, not God-ideas, that God wasn't thinking of that stuff at all when creating people. That's really easy to forget, though, because I get stuck on, "Well, if God knew that my life would have been a million times easier if I had x, y, and z, why the !@@$% wasn't I given those things?" The answer, obvy, is that I was meant to help other people who weren't given those things. (Also that this isn't the only dimension there is, maybe?) There's also stuff in the AA 12 and 12 (which is used for bunches of other 12-step groups) I remember about feeling like God's ignoring us when we pray for specific outcomes and don't get them, when that's really not the point of prayer.
You are an amazing writer, wherever that comes from.
Awww, thanks! You're really good too. And when I think about it, I do have stuff coming through the channel all the time. I just feel like I have to block a lot of it out in order to be able to work. (But I do keep a pad nearby in case there's anything I want to work on later.)
We will have to go to services together sometime!
That sounds great!
I stumbled on this from the Fatosphere, on a morning when I'm fairly upset after coming to the realization that I probably have chronic fatigue and probably need to quit my high-stress job. I'm too tired to go into the detail that I'd like to about my own religious past, but I just wanted to say this post and the replies are very healing to me. Most of my friends are agnostic or atheist and I've always felt sort of ashamed of my own need to pray and feel connected to God (and afraid to talk about it to people who don't know me well, lest they assume I'm one of "those" Christians - when I don't even label myself Christian at all). I'm Unitarian and even at my own church outright prayer is sometimes looked down on by the more secular humanist members of the congregation. It's nice to hear from intelligent, progressive-minded people who also consider themselves religious and feel the need to be close to God, after hearing for so long that religion is for people who are stuck in the past or ignorant of science, etc.Thank you!
jazzy
I was thinking of you, and this post, yesterday as the preacher spoke about faith as a drama. This really resonated for me, I'm drawn to the narrative power of scripture. I read the ancient stories of God's relationship with God's people and it seems to me that God has a rich sense of dramatic irony. (And I am made in that image).
His point (and I need to touch base with him, and find out who's idea this was, he threw out a name and I didn't catch it) was that the stories of scripture tell us where we come from, and they tell us where we are going. Our role, here and now, is to "improvise" this middle "act" of the drama. While it was a Christian preacher, and I know admittedly little about other faith traditions, I thought it sort of fit it with what you were saying-- there's this tradition, and this coming messianic age... and then this bit in the middle where we try to live in a way that is consistent with our belief about where we come from, and where we're going.
I imagine for some people, this would be a terrible way to talk about faith. "What do you mean, we're all just making it up as we go along!?!" But it worked for me.
I was raised Christian -- Baptist, specifically. I stopped attending a Christian church when I was about 15 when I realized that I didn't agree with the church's teachings about women and their roles both in the home and beyond. I found our church's teachings to be contradictory, stifling, oppressive and completely interpreted through the lens of the patriarchy. So, in a way, Christianity helped me realize some degree of self-acceptance because it made me realize that women, myself included, have worth beyond that of wives and mothers. I knew that I had more to offer this world than the domestic roles offered to me by my church, so I explored a lot of different religions hoping to find a good fit. In the end, I realized that I don't believe in a god-centered religion at all and now identify as a Buddhist atheist.
I found Buddhism to be an incredibly powerful force in my recovery from an eating disorder and journey towards self acceptance. Buddhism places a large focus on "right actions," and non-violence. I am vegetarian because of these beliefs, but it took me a while to realize that by starving myself, I was, in essence, hurting and even cannibalizing my own body.I slowly began to take the Buddhist principles I applied to my interactions in the world and apply them to myself. Buddhism places a large focus on ethical and mental self-improvement. I realized that I could concentrate on neither so long as I was obsessed with food and weight. And Buddhism's focus on mindfulness led to me to examine the larger reasons for my disorder and helped me cultivate priorities beyond the superficial. I had a lot of past issues with my mom and I finally came to a point in my life (thanks again to Buddhism ) where I was finally able to forgive her. Ridding myself of that hurtful anger helped me to stop taking it out on myself.
@clericatlarge - I am with you about God's "rich sense of dramatic irony." I also get what you mean about "making up the middle" -- it can sometimes feel frustrating, like a bit more of a road map would be helpful, but then how would that work with free will and all?
There are times when I realize that living in a self-rejecting, self-hating way is inconsistent with my values, and won't get me where I want to go. I still find myself drawn away from my values, toward a desire for a shiny, perfect exterior. Even though I don't need that from or desire that in others.
@richaro - This:
Buddhism places a large focus on ethical and
mental self-improvement. I realized that I could concentrate on
neither so long as I was obsessed with food and weight. And Buddhism's
focus on mindfulness led to me to examine the larger reasons for my
disorder and helped me cultivate priorities beyond the superficial.
Was really helpful to read.
There are times when I realize that my obsession with weight interferes with my ethical development.
Mindfulness is such a helpful construct. So is cultivating priorities beyond the superficial. I often am mindful of the deeper, more subtle aspects of others, but often don't extend that curious compassionate perspective toward myself. Which is something to be mindful of.
Are there any books you would recommend for someone heading down this path?
@Elfstar/jazzy - I'm so glad this was helpful. I hope you are able to get what you need in order to be on a path of recovery. The extent to which faith and prayer are helpful to you, I hope you find comfort in them. I wish you a r'fuah shelmah, a whole recovery.
"From Genesis 1:26,
"Let us make humanity in our image, after our likeness."
When it comes to "you shall love your neighbor as yourself" -- well, I guess for me, it's sometimes easier to love my neighbor than
myself, which says something about me. I find it generally easier to
forgive, accept, tolerate, understand and be patient with others than
myself."
Beautiful and thought provoking post. I think it IS easier for us to love others than to accept and love ourselves; which is where I feel we SHOULD be starting instead. We ARE the light but until we can find and see our own light, how can we allow it to shine fully on others? Not sure where I'm going with that but I love the thoughts you've made tumble around in my head now!
@Meowser1 - My pastor is fond of saying that "God is more interested in our character than our comfort." As I was growing up, I got a lot of flack - hate, ostracism, etc. - for being fat and being bigger than my peers in general (three-feet-tall 2-year-old FTW!). I remember one month in particular I prayed every night that God would make me weigh 20 pounds less when I woke up in the morning. He could have done it, but He didn't. Of course, I was disappointed, but I accept that He, being God, chose not to answer my prayers because He wanted the best for me.
It took over 20 years, but I'm finally OK with being fat. I've always been a strong woman, maybe not physically, but I've taken a lot of emotional abuse. Since marrying a man with whom I've created a safe place to be myself in all my fat glory and discovering Fat Acceptance and the Fatosphere, I've taken that strength and turned it outward. I've developed a positive outlook on myself and being fat.
I've been reading the book of James this week. It's always been one of my favorites. James starts off with a bang (1:2-4): "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Trials of many kinds for being fat? Check.
Faith tested as a result? Check.
Perseverance developed? Check.
Mature and complete? Getting there.
I've been wanting to start a dialog with Christians about Fat Acceptance, because I feel like the message from the Church (Protestant) is the same as you'll get anywhere else: "If you're thin, you're where you need to be spiritually, but if you're fat, then you need to have a talk with Jesus!" One of the main verses used is I Corinthians 6:19-20: "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." The resulting message is, "because your body is a temple, you have to be thin! It's not God-honoring to be fat."
Uh, no. In context, those two verses are referring to sexual immorality, not weight/fat. As far as I can tell, nowhere does the Bible say that thin is best or the God-mandated norm. Gluttony is called a sin, but fat is not. (Searches for "fat" and "thin" at BibleGateway.com failed; it seems they're contained in "father" and "things," respectively!)
I'll leave you with this last thing. My favorite Bible story is that of Ehud and Eglon in Judges 3. It's just a delightfully descriptive, and it makes me laugh every time I hear it.
I just stumbled upon this post and I'm so happy I did -- it's always nice to hear from a fellow religious person, especially a fellow Jew. I was raised Modern Orthodox, and I'm still pretty much on that path. The three things the world stands on -- that's from Pirkei Avot, the teachings of our sages, the same one that reminds us to give others the benefit of the doubt, and which says one of my favorite maxims: "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?"
That quote is so true of self-acceptance, especially fat acceptance -- you can't expect the world to accept you, you have to accept you; even when you accept yourself, you still have to make sure that you are true to yourself; and you should live your life now, and now wait until you're thin or anything else. I could write an entire library about how my Jewish faith helps my self-acceptance.
Also, I always imagined the Shechina as almost a Jewish mother type presence -- round and comforting, and nice-smelling. Maybe it's just the Jewish communities I've belonged to, but culturally, femininity is kind of curvy -- breasts, hips, bottoms. That's not to say that even the most secluded black-hat-wearing Orthodox communities don't have their own prejudices, because they do -- but a lot of traditional femininity in Judaism is about strength, family, children, and food -- and while the stereotypical Jewish woman isn't necessarily fat, she ain't exactly Barbie.
@Rhonwyyn - Thanks for your perceptions about this -- I too think that trials provide us with opportunities.
One of my favorite things to remember is a song in Hebrew that is based on words attributed to Rabbi Nachman of Braslov, "the whole world is a narrow bridge, and the important thing to remember is to not fear at all."
How I interpret this is -- It always feels like you might fall -- and that's normal. What's important is that while you feel this way, remember to not be afraid. Use faith to get you across the narrow bridge, especially at those times when you feel most afraid.
And I've always thought the idea of "body as a temple" -- while not part of Jewish teaching it's very present in the dominant culture -- not that you have to change your body, but treat it well. The assumption that a fat body is a poorly treated body is pure prejudice and judgement.
@plonit_almonit - Thank you so much for commenting.
Wow, you have given me much to think about.
I know the maxim you are quoting, but I haven't applied it much to my self-acceptance journey, but I'm going to need to start! It's a great reminder!
I am unfortunately not as learned as I would like to be so it's great to get pointers about where to look -- the Pirkei Avot would be great to read. I'm fluent in spoken Hebrew so I'm sometimes frustrated by translations -- even thought I'm not a great Hebrew reader I love to see the original language and see what it sparks me to think about. I'm aware I'm bringing both my simple understanding and modern version of the language to what I'm reading, but the same happens in English.
I love how you envision the Shechina -- I tend to picture a young-ish lithe long black curly haired Jewish bride -- ah, see what happens when we have graven images! (I'm not opposed to graven images, I just see the downside).
I would love to have an extended conversation with other fat Jewish women about our visions of Jewish femininity -- I think that there is a big difference between what our faith tradition says and how assimilation and culture rob us of our connection to the divine.
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